A Woman's ABCs Of Life: Lessons in life, love, family and career, from those who learned the hard way

How To Recognize & Keep A Good Man

Acknowledge your man often as possible. Tell him how wonderful he is to you. Pick something good about him to focus on, no matter how small. He has to start somewhere.

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Beware of a man who is just getting over another serious relationship.

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Count out a man who is abusive physically, verbally, or emotionally. In this case, the words “I love you” are abusive too. Leave.

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Discover your man’s values and honor them as if they were your own.

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Enjoy your life when he’s not around. He loved you for the life you had before you met, so don’t stop now!

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Forget a “Mommy’s boy.”

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Give up a man who spends all his spare time “hanging with the boys.” He will not grow out of it just because you came into his life.

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Hold on to a man who knows that behind every good man there is a good woman—and he loves it!

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Involve your man in your life. He needs to know he is valuable to you.

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Justify his trust in you. Never betray him in thought, word, or action.

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Keep a man who knows that behind every good woman there is a good man, and he is willing to be that man for you.

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Let him do what he does best and you do what you do best. Be equal partners.

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Make sure you realize that once you sleep with a man, you have lost your ability to think objectively.

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Never give a man an ultimatum. You will lose! Give him enough valid reasons to do what you want, and he will. Don’t tell him, show him.

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Observe his actions. They speak louder than words. Observe your actions. Make sure they match what you say.

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Parenthood is an important issue. Be sure your man shares your views on this subject.

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Qualify a man’s intention. Remember, many of them have one goal, sex.

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Run from a man who has been to hell and has decided to wallow in the experience. That’s all he will ever be able to do. He won’t be able to make a commitment to his own progress in life, let alone yours.

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Split from a man who thinks everything is everyone else’s fault, especially yours.

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Treasure a man who has been to hell and came back.

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Understand that a man may always “look.”

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Value the time a man spends with you. Time is his greatest gift, so don’t waste it by whining about what he does wrong.

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Want a man who has learned how to put his relationship with you first.

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X-rate your past love life. This is for only you to remember. Just tell him he is the best (and make it true).

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Yearn to understand first and to be understood second.

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Zero in on a man who loves to love you well.